Dear. Oh Dear.

1. Dear New American Paintings: Not all of Florida is actually the South. Please find another edition for artists from South Florida.
2. Dear Heidi Klum: If it were true that, "In fashion, one day you're in and the next day you're out," then you would not be hosting season 6 of Project Runway because you would be "out," having been "in" the previous day.
3. Dear Graffiti Perp: Okay, okay, we get it. You're all bad with your spray paint and your secret language. We're all sufficiently intimidated and impressed. In fact, we'd like to reciprocate. So how about you give us your address, and we'll go spray paint all your stuff. It'll be awesome.
4. Dear Women's Magazines: Not all women have long hair.
5. Dear Cafe Eclectic: I love you. I'd love you more if you understood that most lunch hours last an hour.
6. Dear Memphis Driver: Guess what. There's someone behind you!
7. Dear Gwen Stefani: I miss your crazy ska-inspired voice. Please bring that back.
8. Dear Mother Nature: Rainy Monday mornings are just mean. Cut it out.
9. Dear Hollywood: A remake of Fame? Really?
10. Dear Memphis Drivers: Green means go.
11. Dear Midtown Schnucks: Just go away. In lieu of that, how about not stocking shelves at 5:30 PM on weekdays?
12. Dear Spoon: Stop not putting out a new record. It's been 2 years!
13. Dear Hollywood and Wherever They Make TV Shows: Please cut it out with overly-groomed eyebrows on men.
14. Dear Fall Weather: We're all ready to wear our boots. Bring it on!